oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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