does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
