I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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