Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
