you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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