Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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