Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
