I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
