so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
