Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
