She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
