Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
