Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he wants to bone in the snuggie
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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