Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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