have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
worst night to have a conscience
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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