My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
