Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
