we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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