You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i already hear my dad disowning me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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