...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize