when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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