No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
