No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
