then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
