Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
