I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize