FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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