are you so shy because you have an std?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
