I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
