Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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