Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
