i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
