you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
