dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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