Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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