Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
