You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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