I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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