He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize