I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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