another moral hangover. fuck.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
