Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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