We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
