I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
