Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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