here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
