Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
