Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm bleeding and have questions
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
