When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
