That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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