She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
