He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize