I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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