the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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