I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
