He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize