This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
