I'm jealous of your bromance
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
