Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
