I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
