just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
