Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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