So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
love makes seman taste better
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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