I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
