dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
