god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize