Jerry, you need to find god
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
