I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
