She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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