i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
