How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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