Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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