I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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