I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
