His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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