Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
