To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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