I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
