just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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