we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
