Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
