i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
