He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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