Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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