Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
