I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
