cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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