ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
