Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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