Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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