my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
