sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize