WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
