their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
