HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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