I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
